I got a Formspring! Hopefully this won't turn out like Twitter... I got one and didn't actually start using it until 9 months later. It's like being pregnant with technology. haha. It takes a while for it to develop as a good and practical/fun thing for me. I guess only time will tell.
I saw To Save A Life again today...! I went with Matt, Lauren, and Tina. It was a good time! The movie is so incredible. Really. It's so realistic that it's upsetting. It's the kind of movie that breaks your heart, and then sets it on fire with hope and motivation. I feel like I'm finally ready for God to put me into a situation where I can help and be a light to others. It's taken me so much breaking and healing and growing to get to this point in my faith, and even my general maturity, I can feel a tug on my heart. I guess I will just have to keep my eyes open. I don't know where or how I can help, but I trust that when the time comes that I will have some way of knowing.
I was looking at my bank statement the other day [I pay for everything with a debit so I can keep track of where my money goes] and I noticed an unfortunate trend. McDonalds, Speedway, Red Robin, Marathon, Thorntons, Wendys, Starbucks, Speedway, McDonalds, Shell. Besides the fact that I spend a ton of money on gas. I eat out alot also. Oops. I've spent atleast $40 on eating out/snacking this month. That is more than a full tank of gas. I could get a full tank of gas and a pair of sunglasses[I love sunglasses. It's a problem]. Not to mention how unhealthy it is, because I mean, it's not like I'm gettings salads when I go to McDonalds... Today after the movie we went to Noodles & Co. [YYYummmmmm] and I didn't get anything. BAM. $5.50 saved. Right there. I just came home and ate mac&cheese instead of buying it. Money saved. Portion controlled. And last Wednesday after CYT@school, I had time to kill before dance but I wasn't going home in between, and I decided before I left for Bartlett that I didn't want to eat out for dinner. So I packed a dinner for myself! I ate salad, an orange, and cheese its instead of fast food. And it felt goooood! So I am making a deal with myself. In effort to strengthen my discipline, grow my bank account, and not strain my clothing. For the next 2 weeks, which is roughly until Valentines Day. I'm going to not spend my money eating out. Just to test it out. It's just not practical now that I need money for important things like gas and shampoo.
Speaking of money... moolah.. dinero... green.. cashola. Whatevs. I don't have barely any. Really. I have an estimated $2 to my name right now. This has put me into a lengthy inner conversation with myself in the past two days. Is money important? This is the question that I keep coming back to. Actually I've always thought about it, but as I'm getting older it's becoming heavier and heavier. I'm sort of puzzling this out as I write it, so bare with me, but I need to figure it out. I think that in the last three sentences I have decided that to me money is necessary and valueable, but not important. Does that make sense? As long as dollars and coins have value in America, money will be important, so it is necessary in order for us to survive... But I don't think that it's exactly important. I need money to pay for insurance, my phone bill, etc. etc. but having any money other than what is needed to do that isn't important to me. It is more important to me to be rich in full and loving relationships, than to be rich in the way of the world. God provides. Always. I've been worrying alot lately about my single digit bank account... But I guess ultimately God will take care of what ever I need, as long as I trust Him to. He will provide the method and the means! haha. Beautiful Savior.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Consistancy if nothing else...
I was cleaning the bathroom earlier while I was thinking... And I thought of something really great to write about. I wish I could remember what it was.
Doesn't that bother you when that happens? Maybe I'm getting old. I've peaked. It's all down hill from here. haha.
Today was the most productive day I've had in a while! I woke up with the goal to get things done. And then I did. I made my list. I checked things off. It was nice.
Tomorrow I start CYT@school in bartlett. I'm still going back and forth on deciding if it's worth it to drive all the way out there... But I like kids. So. Hopefully it will work out well.
I wish this was a more interesting post. I still haven't all the way formed my thoughts on prayer. So I can't really write about it.
sorry this is lame!
Doesn't that bother you when that happens? Maybe I'm getting old. I've peaked. It's all down hill from here. haha.
Today was the most productive day I've had in a while! I woke up with the goal to get things done. And then I did. I made my list. I checked things off. It was nice.
Tomorrow I start CYT@school in bartlett. I'm still going back and forth on deciding if it's worth it to drive all the way out there... But I like kids. So. Hopefully it will work out well.
I wish this was a more interesting post. I still haven't all the way formed my thoughts on prayer. So I can't really write about it.
sorry this is lame!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
An awkward misunderstanding
Do you want to know what I find endlessly funny/peculiar?
Couples who look like brother and sister. Really though.
Last night I went out to dinner with some friends from DuPage CYT. I went to specifically see some of the girls, but there one girl I didn't know and she was with a boy who I also did not know... I wasn't introduced to them, but they looked (no lie) like twins. [To this moment I'm hoping for some parent trap craziness to happen where they find out they were separated at birth. However if they tried to switch places for the summer and no one noticed, like in the movie, DCFS should be called. haha.]
Anyhow, we went to starbucks after dinner and there I am. Minding my own business. La deee daa. Nothing special. When they start holding hands! What kind of weirdo family is this?
Turns out. They're in a relationship, and they are not related after all. My bad!
What must be going on in your subconscious to make you date someone that looks like you?
I have narrowed this down to two viable possibilities. Either you are:
A) Secretly (or not secretly?) very vain, and you are just attracted to yourself.
or
B) Victim to a subconscious urge to carry on the recessive genes passed down from your parents.
Please pause while I google for an answer.
....
The best that I can gather, the answer is neither A nor B. The answer is both!
I feel like I can skip over the "we all love ourselves secretly" thing. Whatever, you get it, and it's true.
But to get all scientific up in here I'll explain B.
I learned in Biology [and mind you this is the only chapter that stuck] that people with recessive genes [i.e. blonde hair, blue eyes, etc.] are more likely to be attracted to people who share that same gene in the attempt to pass it on to carry on said genes. That's why blondes and blue eyes haven't died out yet! Hooray for my eyes!
I also saw some hit of "personality traits are shown in certain facial features", but I don't have anything to back that one up... So I can't really say anything on the topic.
I just think those couples are funny! I hope they stay around forever... May humans forever love themselves. haha.
This weekend was so nice. I had rehersal yesterday [it's going just fine, thank you], then right after rehersal I got to go to the Barlow's!
Now I don't know how well/if you know them. But they are so incredible. They are such a welcoming, encouraging, strong Christian family. I love being there because it really feels like family. It's not just like they all live together and just so happen to share the same DNA... They love eachother, and they care about eachother, and they make the effort to help eachother grow and learn. So patiently. It's a beautiful thing. And I always leave there feeling so spiritually recharged, because you can't help but feel the presence of God when you're around them.
I've been thinking alot about prayer lately. alot. When we use it, how we use it, why we use it... When we abuse it, how we abuse it, why we abuse it.... When we don't use it, why we don't use it, how we could use it... You get the picture. I think sometimes it is a misunderstood and overcomplicated thing. I can feel a post building in me about prayer. But I need the right words before I can write about it. Sometime soon I guess. A brief word on it though. I think sometimes prayer changes us more than it changes God's plan for us. The willingness to rely on God that prayer signifies seems to open our hearts to what He is intending. Does that make sense?
Until then :)
Couples who look like brother and sister. Really though.
Last night I went out to dinner with some friends from DuPage CYT. I went to specifically see some of the girls, but there one girl I didn't know and she was with a boy who I also did not know... I wasn't introduced to them, but they looked (no lie) like twins. [To this moment I'm hoping for some parent trap craziness to happen where they find out they were separated at birth. However if they tried to switch places for the summer and no one noticed, like in the movie, DCFS should be called. haha.]
Anyhow, we went to starbucks after dinner and there I am. Minding my own business. La deee daa. Nothing special. When they start holding hands! What kind of weirdo family is this?
Turns out. They're in a relationship, and they are not related after all. My bad!
What must be going on in your subconscious to make you date someone that looks like you?
I have narrowed this down to two viable possibilities. Either you are:
A) Secretly (or not secretly?) very vain, and you are just attracted to yourself.
or
B) Victim to a subconscious urge to carry on the recessive genes passed down from your parents.
Please pause while I google for an answer.
....
The best that I can gather, the answer is neither A nor B. The answer is both!
I feel like I can skip over the "we all love ourselves secretly" thing. Whatever, you get it, and it's true.
But to get all scientific up in here I'll explain B.
I learned in Biology [and mind you this is the only chapter that stuck] that people with recessive genes [i.e. blonde hair, blue eyes, etc.] are more likely to be attracted to people who share that same gene in the attempt to pass it on to carry on said genes. That's why blondes and blue eyes haven't died out yet! Hooray for my eyes!
I also saw some hit of "personality traits are shown in certain facial features", but I don't have anything to back that one up... So I can't really say anything on the topic.
I just think those couples are funny! I hope they stay around forever... May humans forever love themselves. haha.
This weekend was so nice. I had rehersal yesterday [it's going just fine, thank you], then right after rehersal I got to go to the Barlow's!
Now I don't know how well/if you know them. But they are so incredible. They are such a welcoming, encouraging, strong Christian family. I love being there because it really feels like family. It's not just like they all live together and just so happen to share the same DNA... They love eachother, and they care about eachother, and they make the effort to help eachother grow and learn. So patiently. It's a beautiful thing. And I always leave there feeling so spiritually recharged, because you can't help but feel the presence of God when you're around them.
I've been thinking alot about prayer lately. alot. When we use it, how we use it, why we use it... When we abuse it, how we abuse it, why we abuse it.... When we don't use it, why we don't use it, how we could use it... You get the picture. I think sometimes it is a misunderstood and overcomplicated thing. I can feel a post building in me about prayer. But I need the right words before I can write about it. Sometime soon I guess. A brief word on it though. I think sometimes prayer changes us more than it changes God's plan for us. The willingness to rely on God that prayer signifies seems to open our hearts to what He is intending. Does that make sense?
Until then :)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Black dress. With the tights underneath!
I got my new phone cover in the mail today!
I was so excited when it came. I'm still excited actually.
Part of it probably has to do with the fact that I successfully bid and won it on ebay. [my first ebay purchase, hooray for technology!]
Another part could be that it was only $7.50, and it didn't have any shipping charges. [I was trained to love a good deal.]
It could also have to do with it being bright green and black zebra print.
But I think mainly it's that it's new. And it's me. That's why I am so excited.
When I was 5 I appreciated everything. Dinner, time with family, material items, you name it I was supposed to respect the privilege of having it. I did so willingly for a while, and make no mistake of it, I was lucky enough to never go without or get the "kids are starving in Africa so eat your rice" speech. I was just told I was lucky, and I understood some how. I'm afraid of rice by the way, so I am super grateful my mom didn't force me to eat it.
As I got older everything became about clothes. I wanted brands and I wanted them in as high of a volume as possible. I wouldn't say that I was trying to impress anyone with my clothing choices, I just liked certain things. And I liked the statement that I felt like I was making. "I am cool, whether you agree or not." I let my clothes do the talking instead of me.
Then I had a "break through". Loving clothes and material possessions was wrong and I shouldn't want them. Oh boy. That was a mistake, and a painful one at that. I felt like a bad Christian for walking by my favorite store and wanting to go in and buy a new dress or shirt. or sunglasses. or purse. whatever. "How could I be so selfish to want another skirt when there are people getting mugged for their shoes? what is wrong with me?" Now I feel it's important to say that I was not[as much as it may sound like it] a raging shopaholic. haha. I just liked clothes. I liked the way I felt in them. I worked to find great prices. I could go on for a while about how much I enjoyed american eagle and hollister[I regret that], but it's unneccesary as I feel like my point has been shown.
Anywhich. I have since come to realize that it is not wrong for me to enjoy clothes, purses, rings, phone covers, etc. as long as I do not put them ahead of the things in my life that count. I have found a happy medium between hating material possessions and loving that one bag just a little to much. I'd say I'm closest to my 5 year old age of being grateful for my pillow, and my book, and my mommy, and my neighboor, and that we had mashed potatos with dinner.[Do you remember when prayers were that simple?] I am fortunate to have the clothes I'm wearing right now, and I value them, but I also feel good wearing them.
When I recieve a compliment about something I'm wearing I take it as a compliment about myself. This is why:
The way a person dresses reflects their personality and soul.
Think about it. What you put on your body makes a statement about who you are, and what you care about. Whether you like it or not. Even by "not caring about clothes" you make a statement about yourself. Personally, when I buy a new dress I am over the moon. Not because it's the cool thing right now, but because its a new expression of myself and I can't wait to wear it.
I today I got a new phone cover in the mail. It's a new expression of me.
I was so excited when it came. I'm still excited actually.
Part of it probably has to do with the fact that I successfully bid and won it on ebay. [my first ebay purchase, hooray for technology!]
Another part could be that it was only $7.50, and it didn't have any shipping charges. [I was trained to love a good deal.]
It could also have to do with it being bright green and black zebra print.
But I think mainly it's that it's new. And it's me. That's why I am so excited.
When I was 5 I appreciated everything. Dinner, time with family, material items, you name it I was supposed to respect the privilege of having it. I did so willingly for a while, and make no mistake of it, I was lucky enough to never go without or get the "kids are starving in Africa so eat your rice" speech. I was just told I was lucky, and I understood some how. I'm afraid of rice by the way, so I am super grateful my mom didn't force me to eat it.
As I got older everything became about clothes. I wanted brands and I wanted them in as high of a volume as possible. I wouldn't say that I was trying to impress anyone with my clothing choices, I just liked certain things. And I liked the statement that I felt like I was making. "I am cool, whether you agree or not." I let my clothes do the talking instead of me.
Then I had a "break through". Loving clothes and material possessions was wrong and I shouldn't want them. Oh boy. That was a mistake, and a painful one at that. I felt like a bad Christian for walking by my favorite store and wanting to go in and buy a new dress or shirt. or sunglasses. or purse. whatever. "How could I be so selfish to want another skirt when there are people getting mugged for their shoes? what is wrong with me?" Now I feel it's important to say that I was not[as much as it may sound like it] a raging shopaholic. haha. I just liked clothes. I liked the way I felt in them. I worked to find great prices. I could go on for a while about how much I enjoyed american eagle and hollister[I regret that], but it's unneccesary as I feel like my point has been shown.
Anywhich. I have since come to realize that it is not wrong for me to enjoy clothes, purses, rings, phone covers, etc. as long as I do not put them ahead of the things in my life that count. I have found a happy medium between hating material possessions and loving that one bag just a little to much. I'd say I'm closest to my 5 year old age of being grateful for my pillow, and my book, and my mommy, and my neighboor, and that we had mashed potatos with dinner.[Do you remember when prayers were that simple?] I am fortunate to have the clothes I'm wearing right now, and I value them, but I also feel good wearing them.
When I recieve a compliment about something I'm wearing I take it as a compliment about myself. This is why:
The way a person dresses reflects their personality and soul.
Think about it. What you put on your body makes a statement about who you are, and what you care about. Whether you like it or not. Even by "not caring about clothes" you make a statement about yourself. Personally, when I buy a new dress I am over the moon. Not because it's the cool thing right now, but because its a new expression of myself and I can't wait to wear it.
I today I got a new phone cover in the mail. It's a new expression of me.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A legit update on my life, before I get all philosophical
So. I have gone through most of these posts (I got tired of reading my own thoughts halfway through may), and I deleted the ones that were sad or negative... It was very cathartic. There wasn't many depressing ones, but it was weighing on my soul to have them out there in semi secrecy. They're gone now though! On to more purple and abstract pastures. If you've never seen a purple pasture, you obviously have not been looking long enough.
Any ways, I am hopping back on this wagon.
So I've recently had lots of interesting things happen/change/change me.
La de daaa. Winter break ended well. I had a ball the whole time, right on through the new year. I spent new years eve by myself on the couch watching scrubs and psych and eating to many doritos. Before you pity me, this was by choice. I had somewhere to go. I simply did not want to go there. And I was tired. And you know what? The next day I wasn't. Because I did not stay up until dawn. haha.
I am pleased to say that I spent the beginning of the new year having breakfast with Lo, then at Natalie's birthday party. I am not pleased to say that not only did I get pulled over on the way home from natalies, but I also was pulled over the following friday on the way to a Little Mermaid rehersal. Twice in one week. That's right. I am now making a concious effort not to speed/text/eat/change my pants while driving. The roads can be considered safer.
I decided on two colleges to apply to! Baylor and Biola. Both B names. Both far far away. Both warm. Both religious. I know. I didn't see any of those qualifications coming either... It's a total God thing though. I prayed for a clarity and I got it in a very literal way. I still have a little more to turn in to the schools, but I'm not concerned anymore. I know God will put me wherever he wants me next year. I am comfortable in that. Funny thing about my Biola essay. I actually learned alot about myself through writing it. It wasn't hard like I thought it would be, when I finally sat down to write it (and boy oh boy did I procrastinate) the words just sort of flowed out of me. It was basically supposed to be a personal testimony, and it was one. I always thought that would be a hard thing for me to write because of the things that I have encountered in my 17 and a half years, but surprisingly, I am proud of it. Right now I feel like I am growing more spiritually than I have in too long.
I've been going to Christian Fellowship for a few weeks instead of The Chapel, and I like it so much. Everyone is so open and friendly, it's a breath of fresh air.
Friends have been better, but the could certainly be and have been worse.
I have a really light semester of school.
I just got word today that I'll be aiding again for CYT @ School! Cheers for unexpected income.
I am dirt poor and barely scraping by, but I'm happy to have a car.
I got that keyboard for Christmas!
I joined a dance class, am taking PD, and am aiding dance. mmmmm.
Singing is becoming more appealing to me everyday.
It will be warm soon.
You said it Marc Broussard. Things are lookin' up all the time :)
My next thingie will probably be more introspective... but I got a jolt of positivity around the end here, so I decided it's best to go out on a good note. + I'm starved and need some food in my belly.
Any ways, I am hopping back on this wagon.
So I've recently had lots of interesting things happen/change/change me.
La de daaa. Winter break ended well. I had a ball the whole time, right on through the new year. I spent new years eve by myself on the couch watching scrubs and psych and eating to many doritos. Before you pity me, this was by choice. I had somewhere to go. I simply did not want to go there. And I was tired. And you know what? The next day I wasn't. Because I did not stay up until dawn. haha.
I am pleased to say that I spent the beginning of the new year having breakfast with Lo, then at Natalie's birthday party. I am not pleased to say that not only did I get pulled over on the way home from natalies, but I also was pulled over the following friday on the way to a Little Mermaid rehersal. Twice in one week. That's right. I am now making a concious effort not to speed/text/eat/change my pants while driving. The roads can be considered safer.
I decided on two colleges to apply to! Baylor and Biola. Both B names. Both far far away. Both warm. Both religious. I know. I didn't see any of those qualifications coming either... It's a total God thing though. I prayed for a clarity and I got it in a very literal way. I still have a little more to turn in to the schools, but I'm not concerned anymore. I know God will put me wherever he wants me next year. I am comfortable in that. Funny thing about my Biola essay. I actually learned alot about myself through writing it. It wasn't hard like I thought it would be, when I finally sat down to write it (and boy oh boy did I procrastinate) the words just sort of flowed out of me. It was basically supposed to be a personal testimony, and it was one. I always thought that would be a hard thing for me to write because of the things that I have encountered in my 17 and a half years, but surprisingly, I am proud of it. Right now I feel like I am growing more spiritually than I have in too long.
I've been going to Christian Fellowship for a few weeks instead of The Chapel, and I like it so much. Everyone is so open and friendly, it's a breath of fresh air.
Friends have been better, but the could certainly be and have been worse.
I have a really light semester of school.
I just got word today that I'll be aiding again for CYT @ School! Cheers for unexpected income.
I am dirt poor and barely scraping by, but I'm happy to have a car.
I got that keyboard for Christmas!
I joined a dance class, am taking PD, and am aiding dance. mmmmm.
Singing is becoming more appealing to me everyday.
It will be warm soon.
You said it Marc Broussard. Things are lookin' up all the time :)
My next thingie will probably be more introspective... but I got a jolt of positivity around the end here, so I decided it's best to go out on a good note. + I'm starved and need some food in my belly.
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