Give me that line again...

Listening to: I'd rather go blind, Etta James
It's so nice and rainy today. Sometimes that's deffinitely a good thing I think, not always, but it's fall now so it's delicious.
Listening to: Stacey's Mom, Fountains of Wayne
I just felt like writing today I suppose. Grace was quite fun yesterday. I barely had any classes because it was picture day, and it was just a really nice time in general. I got to talk to Erica for a bit, which I always enjoy. She's great.
There's a concert on Tuesday! Relient K. I really really want to go. Badly.
I feel my creativ juices returning to me finally. I always know because everything I see looks like art or potential art. It's a beautiful thing to see the world that way.
Listening to: Beating heart baby, Head Automatica
Really though, it's so cool when everything is an inspiration. Its sort of frusterating sometimes, because I don't know where to start, but it's never a bad thing. And it makes me a happier person in general. Which I definitely have been lately.
I forgot how it felt to be so positive about things. It's wonderful. I feel awful that I let that slip away from me, like I wasted time almost.
Listening to: Near to you, A Fine Frenzy
Jamie burnt me a copy of RK's new cd and brought it to me yesterday. It was okay, a little dissapointing, but there were a couple realy good tracks on it.
I'm steadily becoming okay with being alone so much, which is bittersweet.
Upside of this move = Me and mom are closer than ever. She's one of my best friends.
Maybe that's lame... But I enjoy the situation.
I'm working for CYT now!
haha... just can't get enough.
I'm doing their CYT at school program with Rachael, Alise, and Lauren Wednesdays. It's seems really fun so far, the kids are a handful, but... when are they not? I'm really excited for the rest of the semester with them.
Listening to: Oh Momma, Justin Nozuka

The way I ayum.

currently listening to: sea of love (cat power) cover.

I think I'm getting old and young at the same time. Like Benjamin Button, except for not really. Mentally for me. I seem to be forgetting things alot... I hope this isn't the result of some brain malfunction.
I am... nervous.. to stay the least about college/gap year/esthetician school/general future. It would be awesome if somebody just told me whether I'm choosing the right path or doing the right thing. Or how to prepare. That would be cool too. I just... don't want to mess up my future because I didn't know something I should've been doing. Ultimately I have faith that I will end up in the correct place eventually I guess. I will just have to to trust God through all of this. obviously. As if I could live through what I've gone through without doing so.
I refuse to talk about my romantic endeavors here. This is a sacred arena. But there is someone.
Unfortunately. It's just awful for my state of mind. I'm nowhere near mature enough for this.
This has been a strange year... with everything going on and all.
Oh that reminds me!
I slept over at Rachael's monday night after project dance and we were talking about... well alot of things really... but one particular thing she said stuck to me. We were talking of sensitive things and she said "can't they just let me be upset and frusterated? Who says I want them to solve all of my problems?"
This is so true. I really don't even have to say much more. But to be clear, when I have an issue with myself.... I don't really expect people to solve it just because I'm vocal about it. Sometimes. I just need to air my feelings in order to heal them... That really helps me.
I have had a serious passion for music lately. I just go bananas for it. and singing. mmmm.

Come undone

Itunes still doesn't work... Incase you were wondering. haha.
I've been deprived of downloading illegally and having it sync for my conveniance. Pitty poor me.
I went to rehersal for the hobbit yesterday. It was a totally new experience. I took the train to arlington heights both ways, which was really really cool. I will probably always like trains. Or atleast until I have to ride them so much that I don't appreciate them. I just enjoy them so much, and I feel so grown up riding them. Especially by myself. I didn't actually have much to do at rehersal, but it was still nice to get away from my normal area and friends and go visit.
I probably haven't updated this because... well.. I haven't actually been doing all that much. School. Watching movies and TV. Heritage fest. Oliver auditions. Hanging out with my mom. Doing more school. Seeing fame with matt. School again. Still unpacking. That's pretty much it...
And yes I realize it's not terribly interesting or active.
I kind of wish it was, but it's not, so that's okay too.
I miss some of my friends. I don't miss some of them.
I'm connecting with the outside world via technology. That's actually NOT okay with me.
I need to get on to the college business that I've been slacking on.
No matter what happens as far as attendance, I should probably not leave it until the last minute. That's enough of that stomach churning talk.
I've been listening to so much music lately. It's very healthy. It would be really cool if I could share it more though. It's like keeping secrets.
God has had a huge presence in my life the past 2 weeks.
Things just keep being said, or done, or presented to me, teaching me about Him and proving to me how real he is. It's almost to much for me to handle. I can barely wrap my mind around His greatness and power. But.. it's just so phenomenal. It's like I found something that's been lost for so long in a jacket I was about to throw away. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by strong Christians like I am.
Sometimes I suppose I feel like they're a huge struggle for me to be around, because I itch to rebel, but really... They're my supports and without them I would undoubtedly fall. Sometimes I think about how I wont have stories to tell my kids when I'm older... but I think maybe I still will. They wont be the same kind my dad had, but they'll be something better to aspire to. I hope. When I think of how much life I have in front of me yet to be lived, I can barely breathe. I hope that I get to enjoy it for a good long time. I'm afraid to die young. I don't pretend otherwise.
Katie has been in Mexico for 6 weeks now, and she really seems to be enjoying it. It was hard for her at first I know, but... I really think this will be one of the coolest things she'll ever do. I hope to have an oppertunity like that sometime.
I'm in Project Dance! Killa' Killa'. I love it so far. I'm really glad I decided to do it.

My shortest but most true update: I've been really stuggling lately.

I hope for something new to happen soon. A good thing.

Mitchel Musso's a tool!
haha.

Sicko

This will be really short.

Itunes is killing me. Maybe.
Actually, it's not, but I have a cold so it feels like the end of the world.
Went to the fray with Kaitlyn on Sunday. Which was incredibly cool. It was last minute, but I'm so glad I went. Started school back last Thursday. Yuck. Moved Sept. 1st.
We live in Crystal Lake now, by the beach, and Bob is the land lord! That's an update I guess.
All is well.
It seems like the calm after the storm.

I think I'm to frusterated for this..

Matthew 5:16

I'm just so exhausted.
I'm excited for school and not excited for school all at the same time.
Actually I feel alot of stress around me right now.
I gotta get rid of that and reconnect with God again. Hard core.
I want to enjoy my last bit of summer to the fullest.
Jeez I just love summer.
I love everything that it brings with it, no matter what.

New York Song

I have come to the conclusion that when you're a teenager everything feels like it's the end of the world. I know it's definitely not. It just feels like it is. I bet this how everyone else feels all the time... that would really stink.
Lordy. It feels like 7, not 4. I don't know how I'm going to fill the rest of my day...
Maybe I'll go get a movie or something. I'm just stuck in this funk and I want something to do I guess.

Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year

Another almost-month under my belt.

What a slacker.

Since July 19th I have successfully:

-Completed a full tech week

-First weekend of West Side

-Party hardy

-Judson day camp

-Second weekend of West Side including more partying

-Memphis

-Erica!

-Jenn's sleepover

-Six flags

-Mayday Parade/Metro Station concert w/ kat, lo, and er

-Lo's going away party

-Packed a TON

-Saw 500 days of summer

what an excellent excellent month.

Lordy, I have so much to talk about. I may have to come back and say more later.

I was waiting outside of the hospital the other day for mom and I was thinking about negativity. Sunday night at Lo's I said something about disliking somebody and Jamie goes "do you still like ANYBODY anymore?" and that really stuck with me. I don't know where this new found negativity has been coming from, but I really don't care for it. It's not that I all of a sudden hate everything... I just have grown to dislike certain people. Maybe it's because I feel I know their bad parts now. Or that I judged the prematurely. Maybe I'm bitter about certain friendships. Or that I've become kind of distanced from God. Whatever it is, this has to stop. I didn't really care for being the nice girl, but in the long run is it such a bad thing? What could be bad about being a nice person? I wish that I still loved everyone. I'm going to try and work on it. Giving people second and third chances. It's important that to me not to be judgemental, what right do I have to label or condemn anyone else? I am far less perfect.

Confidence. Belief in one's own abilities. Atleast that's what thefreedictionary.com says confidence is. On my mind lately though, when does confidence become cockiness? Is it possible to be humble AND confident? I talked with Mike a bit about this just now. I'm always curious about his opinion because I like the way he thinks. Anyways he kind of put my feelings into words. Cockiness is pride in oneself and confidence is quiet. And then he gave me this AWESOME quote. "Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." -- C.S. Lewis. Which pretty much answers all of my questions on the subject. We are beautifully and wonderfully made, so how could loving and believing in one's self be bad? I guess it is not. Something to think about..
We're moving for reals! I feel like I've talked this to death without ever feeling better or worse about it. But it's an important update in my life. And since that's kind of what this is about... Yup. Moving. Don't know where. End of the month. Mixed feelings.

I talked to Uncle Bobby and Aunt DeeDee separately for almost an hour each. It was so nice. I just love them.

I'm a SENIOR in highschool. I'm not sure I'm ready for this.