Greetings from the big TX!

This is really happening! I'm really actually updating my blog like I've been meaning to since I moved to Austin almost 2 months ago!
I'm just sitting at the counter waiting for the dishwasher to finish so that I can pack a spoon for tomorrows lunch and listening to some nice Christmas-y tunes, so I figured if not now, when?
Life is good for me. Austin is a really cool city, lots of things do do & lots of cool places to eat! Living with Patrick and Riley is a little weird because we barely talk, but they're nice and I like having my own space. School is SO exhausting. I like it a lot though, and I'm learning even more. I've made good friends at school and I have no job. That's a brief summary of my experience so far!
I've learned a lot about myself since I've been here, way more and in different ways than I would have thought possible in such a short amount of time. I bake and cook tons on my days off, and I love doing it. I've learned better than ever about the value of a dollar and how to make money stretch. I've learned to appreciate having friends who encourage me in my faith. It's been very challenging for me to be so far from that, and I've really had to rely on God to speak His wisdom into me. It's just exhausting sometimes, but it's also interesting to see and hear other perspectives. I've learned that I love living on my own! I love my days off when I have the house to myself to get done whatever I need to in my own time. It's a great sense of freedom. I've learned that I actually don't hate snow & cold, I just don't care for it after January. It's weirdly warm here. I've learned that I love Chicago! Austin is so artsy and fun, but it's really made me value where I come from and see it in a more positive light. I've met some really cool people at school. Definitely some that I will keep in touch with after we end in May, and some that are really teaching me a lot. I'm the youngest in my class of 14 girls and that in and of itself has proven educational. A lot of girls with a lot of life experience! I've learned that I am secretly an over achiever. I guess I get it from my mom. Mostly I've learned that I am loving this exploring process, even though I get homesick on some days. It's so different here and it's really been a blessing to me and an eye opening experience to see options beyond Illinois. I'm proud of myself for the way I'm handling all of the responsibility I have right now. It makes me really excited for the things to come in the next few years! I keep having to remind myself that I'm only 19 and I have a lot more infront of me than I do behind me God willing. It's equally tiring and exciting to think about, but I am ready for the challenge! I go home to Chicago for the holidays on Sunday morning, just in time to see little women & go to a party! Starting my trip off strong! I have 4 11 hour days of school in between me & some much needed time off, but I am well on my way to being prepared for it! And I am SO excited for Christmas!

Brief

Okay so, I've abandoned my previous idea of DIY-ing my blog. Mostly because I was thinking about it and the idea was annoying me. Always a safe bet that if your own idea annoys you, it's probably not a good one. So forget all that.
I'm dealing with a lot of spiritual warfare right now. As I desire to be closer with God, there is an awful lot getting in my way! That makes perfect sense to me, but it's a total stuggle of flesh and will. I'm working on it.
3 weeks until Austin!

Holla for 25 dolla.

Awlllright. Most people probably wouldn't care much about this, but I love my jewelry so I do, and it is may blog after all!

My mom and I did our annual rounds at Heritage Fest downtown West Dundee yesterday, stops including a church rummage sale, craft fair, and antique sale. My favorites! I am happy to announce I walked away from the antique sale with these 4 treasures for $25! All real metals (I'm so allergic to nickel it's ridiculous), and all wearable pieces. The bracelets are '30s, the necklaces '60s and I am happy :) We also came away from the rummage sale with tons of crafting materials (frames, pillows, fabric, shoes, etc.) + one awesome find, a vintage fully opperational Singer in it's original sewing cabinet! $15. Love it.

We've been eating lot's of good food, and going to many-a-festival. It's been a grand birthday weekend for my Mom! We refer to her as mom 5.0 now that she's 50. It's really catching on... or it will. Ahead is a very full week of work that I am determined to get through. We shall see!
On the brighter side, after years of driving by, I finally visited Cafe Firefly downtown Algonquin. Good coffee, lovely prices!
Off to bed!

Flower Power & Paper Nails

My project from today!

The tutorial I used can be found here.

I changed it up from the original a bit using more color and adding a button to the very middle, because I love buttons and I thought it would make it easier to maintain the volume of the center. I also used a pillow that I already owned for cost reasons, and used a curved apolstery needle to attach the petals.

The grand total for this project? $0.00!
I used only materials I already owned, and it took about 3 hours! Definitely a nice way to spend a rainy friday afternoon!





I did/loved this idea! I tried to take a picture of my own, but my phone is not a super hero and I couldn't get a better picture than the one I found on pinterest.

Such an easy nail art idea!

Simply Paint a base coat (I did a nude), once dry soak your nails in rubbing alcohol and apply newspaper to fingers one at a time. Hold for 10ish seconds, peel off paper and love yourself for being so hip and happening. I recommend a top coat to finish it off, because the paper makes the base polish look a little dull. Worked out great!

I'm officially all deposited and moving down to Austin October 23rdish! I'm SO excited and a medium/large on the anxiety scale. It will definitely be an adventure, and life will definitely not be the same again. Can I say definitely again? Definitely.
I work a bunch next week... Mixed feelings. Atleast I am replenishing my bank account after the shopping I've been doing(it's fall after all...), and I have something to keep me busy. Life is good. I am blessed!

Ofcourse a baby would be on my blog.

Okay. I don't care who you are, this is adorable and it never gets less funny to me.
I love how much fun the little guy is having!

Revelation!

I've just had an exciting totally-thought-of-before-and-never-followed-through-on idea while getting ready for bed! In the month and change I have before I leave for the big TX, I have so much time to create... and boy are the juices a-flowin'! I'll hopefully be updating with crafty projects I'm working on as well as some of the many recipes I've come across as of late! Get ready for the delicious hipster blog that this is about to become.

Kingdom Underground

Who has 2 thumbs and has been just filled to the brim with joy for the past week? This girl!
I'm just over flowing with it, really.
It all started once I got home from vacation. Since we came home early, mom & I gave our selves the remaining 2 days of vacation to spend time together, go to a craft fair, and scrap book. It was just so relaxing and nice. Then I spent time at the Barlow's house and the love really started pouring out! We got to go down town, eat great food, and just enjoy ourselves! I've had a lot of time to think, listen to music, and get back in touch with my creativity. & lot's of time to snuggle and watch movies! I've been working to dedicate time to prayer, and I'm seeing such visible fruit coming from that as well.
I feel so full!
I've exercised my right to change my mind and am now intending to move to Austin, not Dallas. It fits me. The live music capital, biking, botanical gardens, shopping, a place to live. I'm just too excited about it all.
I didn't even mind going to work today, and I totally don't enjoy my job.
I've decided that my major in life for the next few years is to become a well rounded, Godly woman.
This semester I'm working on music & esthetics school in Texas, or downtown Chi. Next year maybe I will move to Redding and go to Bethel! I'm thinking that would be a good idea because I need some sort of mentorship and constant application for growth. I have a lot to gain from that sort of thing. The year after that I'm thinking Europe. Ireland or Spain or Italy maybe. I want to learn how to cook and sew better than I currently do, and Europe seems to do both of those things well. Definitely some time in Spain, I need to brush up on my Spanish. I'd also like to go to Nepal! I don't really know much about it, but I've heard they have beautiful mountains there. Either ways, what I am trying to get across here is that I have some very exciting possibilities for the next few years.
I've recently been very convicted about the potential of my friends. I am surrounded by some world changers and I never even noticed it! It's very clear to me that there is great potential around me and I am over the moon about watching it happen. I'm hoping that all of the passion currently operating continues for a long time!
Also, I am just in love with Matt Duke. He really is my favorite and is coming to Evanston on the 30th. I will be so sad if I can't go! I've been listening to him and many other talented people all week, on my best mix cd I've made aptly called "killer mix cd."
Life is just very exciting!

The future.

Well friends, life is good and God is providing many open doors for me right now. I have had quite the couple of weeks! I’m a tad fuzzy on where I left off on my journey in my last post, but I sure have a lot of updates to give. I am excited in a nervous way to share that my next step will be an Esthetics program somewhere in big and toasty Texas! Yes, I still don’t know where. Or where I’ll be living for that matter, but it would be out of my character to have everything figured out ;) I am also excited in a not nervous way to share how I’ve come about this decision!

Approximately 2 weeks ago I changed my prayer from “Lord PLEASE open doors for me!” to “Lord, this is exhausting so please just keep my heart open.” That was a good idea! Not dramatizing when I say that the very next morning I woke up with a blossoming plan and passion inside of me. The idea of doing makeup as a profession has always been a back burner but intriguing idea to me. I’ve always been interested in it and passionate about it, but I couldn’t find a way to make it a ministry, be able to work with children, and live outside of a major city. (I love the city, but I don’t particularly care to live there… long term atleast.) I was blessed to stumble across a way to do all three!

Around this same time I was helping a friend out at his show before opening night. Since I have no idea about programing lights, I kept myself busy by cleaning and organizing the makeup room and eventually teaching some basic stage makeup techniques to the makeup volunteers. And then my lightbulb came on! I thought to myself, “Hey self! You could totally do this for a job!” & I can! I intend to use my training to contract out to schools and childrens theater programs to do and teach them stage makeup! It allows me to work independently wherever I want, and I can contract jobs in the city if I so choose to and I get to work around kids all the time! That’s two of the three right there.

Doors started opening right away when this started rising up inside of me. I was talking with my friend Kat about the possibility and before I could even mention ministry she brought up a ministry that makes over single moms for job interviews to give them confidence and help them look their best. That is me in ministry form, so I’m starting to bubble over with possibility at this point. 3 out of 3 and all of a sudden being 100k in debt to go to Baylor is seeming less appealing.

However, amidst all of my excitement about these possibilities stood a bit of confusion. I couldn’t help but wonder why I’ve been so passionate about music and so set in it if it’s not my God given path. How could I want something so badly if it’s not meant to be? How am I supposed to choose one or the other? This was totally killing my joy, so naturally God sent me to the Barlows for a full week.

The Barlows are blessed to know a wonderful woman named Shlyce Jimenez who I love, and who just so happened to be in town with her crew and staying with the Barlows as well. She was praying over me while I was there, with no knowledge of any pending decisions I was struggling with, and was so right on with some great words from the Father for me! I was filled with encouragement and emptied of quite a few tears within minutes. God was showing me how I’ve been pushing myself to fit in a worldly box, and literally telling me it’s time to throw out the pro and con lists and see what He’s really speaking into my heart. I’ve always been a free spirt you see, so this whole concept explains my total stress. Forcing myself into a 10 year plan because I “have to have a plan” is the opposite of who I’ve always been. God was encouraging me to dream bigger than I have been and to follow what I want to be at my purest. To not be so conventional because I am not a conventional person to begin with.

I was also given words confirming that my calling is releasing the destiny in children and using music to help speak into their spirits! Music can still be a part of my plan with out school, it is still important to my calling in life. My want for music was not in vain! It’s just not going to be an average way to get there! I’m good with that :)

I’m going to work with poverty! I’m going to work with music! With children! Learn about makeup and helping women! Color me one excited 19 year old right here. The Lord has a beautiful plan in store for me. I am in a season of preparation, and I’m pretty curious about what my next few years are going to look like.

Right now my struggle lies in escaping this worldly planning that I’ve let into my head. I know that God has far better plans for my life, but there’s still a teeny part of me that wants the “college experience.” There’s also a big part that hates waking up early, taking any math classes at all, and wasting time. But it only takes a crack to start a shatter, so I want to seal that baby right up! It would also be nice to have a place to live/go to school. But I feel confident in God’s provision!

God never leaves you without a seed, sometimes it’s just hidden.

This has been longer than long, but it’s all just too exciting to leave anything out!

Hoping for wonderful weeks for you all!

Day camp devotionals are not just for kids any more!

I had an epiphany at day camp today. A spiritual one.

I have been struggling recently with what I should be doing this fall. College wise atleast. My options are to go the community route and then try again next year, go massively into debt and go this year, or drop out all together. I’ve been really struggling with the decision and seeking counsel on it a bit. It’s been brought up that where you go to college is not the end of the world, but it is a big decision for me that changes the next year of my life drastically & I’ve been really struggling with the decision and seeking counsel on it a bit.

It was David and Goliath day today for devotionals, all about having faith in God even when the odds are against you. I’ve always had a lot of faith that God will provide what I need no matter what, but the flaw in my faith is reflected in the devotional verse;

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you WHEREVER YOU GO.” (Joshua 1:9)

I live continuously afraid that I am going to make the wrong decision, pick the wrong path, or close the wrong door. As a result, it’s common for me to wait so long that I get shut out. I’m so concerned that I am not doing God’s will, that I actually lose out on some of God’s opportunities for me. I’ve been living in the mindset that YES, God will be with me, but only as long as I always make the right choices. What a scary and doubt filled way to live.

I was talking with a friend last night about this situation and he mentioned that having faith isn’t just believing that God will provide for me, but also believing that He will pick me up when I make the wrong choices. The verse in Joshua says that God will go with me WHEREVER I go, not that He will go with me as long as I make the correct choices all the time. God won’t abandon me if I decide to go to Baylor over MCC, and he won’t abandon me for choosing MCC over Baylor either. He will be there even when it gets hard and I doubt my decision, He will be there if my decision involves me moving across the country, He will even be there if I’m frustrated with having to make responsible choices. How exciting is that? This verse tells me that it’s okay to take a risk, because God is there for me no matter how this whole deal turns out.

I have to decide by tomorrow, and I still don’t know what I’m doing, but I feel so much less anxiety about my decision than I did yesterday. While it’s scary to know I’m taking such a big risk with either decision it’s a relief to know that God always has my back!

Crazy Love

“The love for equals is a human thing—of friend for friend, brother for brother. It is to love wht is loving and lovely. The world smiles. The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing—the love for those who suffer, for those ho are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart of the world. The love for the mor fortunate is a rare thing—to love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice without envy with those who rejoice, the love of the poor for the rich, of the black man for the white man. The world is always bewildered by its saints. And then there is love for the enemy—love for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens, and inflicts pain. The tortured’s love for the torturer. This is God’s love. It conquers the world.”
— The Magnificent Defeat , Frederick Buechner

If God can love me, why don't I?

I was noodlin' this concept over tonight while reading my Bible :)

I think I often confuse self deprication for humility.
As a Christian I feel like I am one of many on a quest towards humble servanthood and submission to the Lord. As we're called to do.
As a human I attempt this by pretending that I am less than I am, and undervaluing myself. The less great I am, the easier it is for God to take over my life right?
Nope.
It's time to stop pretending like I'm not made in God's image, endowed in splendor and created to do awesome things.
God made me great, made me to BE great.
As far as I can tell, I'm not doing myself or the kingdom any favors by acting otherwise!
At what point did it go out of style to embrace what we are great at? To pretend like it's not true when someone recognizes it in you?
I want to become a humble servant by recognizing my gifts and potential for greatness and then USING THEM for the GLORY of God, to further HIS kingdom. Not for my own advances. Not to become prideful. To not boast in my gifts, but in the God who gave them to me!
It's time to quit with the ordinary business. Time to stop settling. Time to start rejoicing in what the Lord has made, for He has made each one of us!
We are not nothing, we became less so He could become greater, but we are WHOLE again! Better than before.

My Hope

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."
-Erma Bombeck

My body is a wonderland?

This is not the sort of thing I would blog about, but it's an important message.
Real talk.
I've been unusually convicted lately by the idea of caring for my body.
Recently I can't help but notice how the food that I eat and lack of exercise that I do will affect me and has already started affected me.
At this point in my life it's not that I want to be skinnier, or prettier.
I am honestly not caring for my body as well as I could, and I believe it is affecting my relationship with God and my abilities as a christian.
My soul belongs to the Lord and He has given me this one body to care for and love as a tool to spread His love and do His work.
I am a living breathing creation of the Lord because of this body He has given me with the command to go and do His work.
By not caring for the body I've been blessed with, I don't perform as well as I could.
I don't treat it well, I don't respect it.
If I don't respect this great gift I've been given, how will I respect and fully utilize my other gifts?
I know I want to give myself to God in mind and spirit, but do I want to give my body back to Him in it's current broken condition? Nope.
It's time to start being honest about what I'm doing.
I'm determined for positive steps to be taken.
I will take care of my self in the name of Jesus, in order to fully live out my
purpose on earth!

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."
1 Corinithians 6:19-20

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
Psalm 139:13-14

Can't help but mention

My front yard fits my heart very well symbolically. I was just picking on it the other day, but while bike riding today (I love my bike) this symbolism popped into my mind.

My yard is very green.

It is full of dandelions.

My yard has all of the components to be beautiful and strong, but the dandelions pop through and multiply with each attempt to rid the yard of them.

They multiply because we don't use weed killer, or tear them out by the root.

We simply cut their heads off while trimming the rest of the grass, spreading their pollen to other areas of the yard.

Upon closer inspection there are beautiful little purple flowers scattered in

patches all around, even around these dandelions.

Some are very apparant, some are covered by the weeds.

It took me a long while to notice they were even there, but now that I know they are there I see more and more of them.

The dandelions bother me more now than they did at first, now that I see them choking or covering the little purple flowers.

It sure makes me want to care for my yard.

April

Okay. At this point it's just getting pathetic that I'm not writing more frequently. I had the flu 2 weeks ago, a time when I could literally do nothing else (besides watch movies), and I still didn't write. I don't even have mandatory journaling as an excuse now. haha. I guess my reasoning is I shouldn't put things I'm unsure about oout into the universe, and while I know exactly what I've been doing for the past two months, I have little to no idea what my feelings are about it all. Compartmentalizing has been necessary.
Anywhich... A lot has happened! But that would be a tedious and long update, so I'm just going to go ahead and focus on the present.
Ex-president George W. Bush is here at the Jud today. It was for a world leaders forum, very business like and official. Lots of traffic and little parking around campus. Secret service, forced sack lunches, cancelled classes, etc. A nice change of pace.
We have a little less than 2 and a half weeks left of school! Wow. This year has gone so fast and so slow at the same time. I can not believe that on Friday 4/29/11 I will no longer be a college freshman. What a whirlwind journey this has been.
This week finishes out, then we have one more regular week of classes, then it's finals (which almost doesn't count because I have 2 full days off finals week because of test timing).
The end of this school year is bittersweet.
While I am exhausted, mentally and physically, I am really going to miss the friends I've made over the course of the year.
Not to mention the reality that I may be in Texas next semester. Or in Florida. Or somewhere else.
It's tough to swallow never seeing some of these people again!
I can't even think about leaving my roommates yet.
And I don't really want to live at home, but that's another can of worms for another night.
However, I AM excited for summer too.
Warmth, rest, music, the beach, great time with friends. I love all of that!
I'm sure there will be plenty of crying, complaining, laughing and hugging 3 Fridays from now when I move out.
Lately (meaning in the past few months), I've gotten really close with some kids here, and I just really am starting to love them! Molly, Kelsey, Reed and Mary specifically :)
Mary and I have an istant bond just because we have the same name, but she is so great. So sensitive to others, a huge heart and a beautiful beautiful voice.
Reed, I'm convinced, has a different perspective on life than every person I've ever met. He's not afraid to ask tough questions, but he also has so much love and respect for other people. I think that's really cool.
That and he's totally nuts, rarely goes to class, loves to road trip, and forces me to help him get better as a person. He will make a great husband someday.
Kelsey tries to succeed at everything she does. She doesn't like to be bored, and this is made obvious by her crazy schedule. She's real short, and real proportional. haha. She is a talented musician. She has baggage, but she is an incredible friend and a great person to seek out for advice and comfort. She is a big sweetheart.
Molly is great too :) She reminds me of Mama Cass. She even has a tambourine. She has a beautiful voice, silky hair, and a heart for broken people and lost causes. Injustice cripples her and I love that she laughs at my jokes and goes along with my games. Sometimes she's a little spacey even though she's always asking questions, but she will be a great and loving mother someday and will make a huge difference in the lives of many!
There's also people like Luke, who's a great example of a man. Wynn, who is a mystery but precious. Brenda, who loves to love. Kaitlyn, who is a light. Zack, a challenger. Erin, who loves nature and God's creation.
There's just so many great people here!
I guess I get a little carried away.
I've been having some intense worship experiences lately.
Judson challenges me to step outside my comfort sone, primarily because I feel like I'm the only one that is willing to do so.
Because of this I have spent so much time really working and making a concious effort to improve my relationship with God.
It has been consistently remwarding and I'm excited to see where it will take me in the next few weeks!
I'm trying reeeeeeal hard not to fail math. Procrastination is definitely what I have to thank for this one. haha. It is alllll me.

Bedtime soon! It's been a long and sunny day!

Ephesians

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."

Beware of laziness in speech, of getting to comfortable with those who you love. Words should always be spoken in love, casting out demons and adding fruit to your life. It should never feel okay to use mean words against others, even if they love you unconditionally.
Tell the people who you love that you love them!

Nobody is ever around when I injure myself

I have some really weird habbits.
Like when I don't want to throw out my gum, I just put it on something until I'm ready to chew it again. Or how I crack my back like its my job.
I don't know how I develop these things, but they sure do stick around!
Eventually I will probably be a vegan. I'm intollerant to most things (sugar... dairy... gluten... corn... rice... Yeah. I'm that kid.), so I fugure if I wait long enough I'll be forced into veganism by my body. I just get the worst head aches.

Despite my successful procrastinating yesterday, I caved and did my homework tonight.
I just really don't like having things hanging over me. I couldn't help it! So I settled for a night of post-church productivity, accomplishing homework, resume, audition organization, putting away laundry and groceries, etc. I feel better.
Jenn, Erin and I met up with Lauren for dinner after church tonight! I am so proud of her! She had her IWU audition yesterday and she is so happy with they way it went! She has just come so far and grown so much since I met her 6 years ago that I feel like a proud mom to hear how well she's doing and about her positive attitude through all of the stress. She is growing into a beautiful girl!

I'm not sure what tomorrow has in store for me!
No more homework or cleaning or organizing can be done here... and it's the Sabbath, so no work will be done anyways... But I have no plans! Maybe I'll go to the costume room for a while since I didn't go today. Or catch up on some reading and stay in. Or go and work on some music in the practice rooms. It all sounds good to me!

Bed time!

January

Okay, I'm not even going to attempt to write regularly any more.
It just doesn't happen when I'm busy.
English 102 last semester taught me that if I'm not being forced to write (i.e. graded on my progress) I rarely set aside time to do it.
Hence the vocal performance major.
I enjoy writing, really I do, but the busy college life (I go to bed at 10) has overtaken me once again. I simply don't think about writing beyond the copious notes that I take and papers that I write.
As for the 10 pm bedtime... I get inordinately cranky with less than 9 hours of sleep. I can function on 8, but that starts to push it mood wise. This separates me from the average college student(my friends all have an average bed time atleast 3 hours later), but it's for the good of the JU community that I am as rested as possible. It's mayhem otherwise. Outright pandemonium. With a lot of crying.
My attitude regarding school has improved since my first week back.
(it was looking pretty bad there for a while, but don't worry, positivity prevailed)
I have no job, but I do have random influxes of money when I really need it. God's blessing!
I'm still respecting the Sabbath, and each week I grow increasingly more grateful!
My Baylor audition in set for the 3rd weekend of february. I am equal parts excited and scared, but I am working through giving this process and my feelings on the matter entirely to God. It is a struggle to hand over something that I want so badly, but I'm figuring I can either go willingly or kicking and screaming and nervous. This is making my choice easier.
Relationships... blah blah... bad JU food.. blah... independence..
I just downloaded a bunch of new music today! Good stuff.
Right now I'm mostly just really sleepy actually, so the updating goes about as indepth as I just got.
Much has changed!
Tomorrow I'm supposed to go and help Lela and Melissa with the costume room at Jud! I really enjoy spending time with both of them and I love costume rooms in general, even the hot mess that is claimed my Judson, so that will hopefully work out well.
I'm hoping to go see Henry Cloud teach at willow also, I'm seen him before and I feel like I'll get a lot out of the teaching.

Sleeping is an indulgence I don't mind giving in to one bit right now.
I hope all is well!

Tumbled upon.

"Never let anyone love you less than you love yourself."




Think about that. Letting others treat you poorly is disrespectful to who God created you to be.

(This week has been very nice)