Hark! Midterms approach!

Okay, so midterms are actually long over. The title inexplicably climbed into my brain though when I was pondering what to write about.
It's from an email title composed by the lovely Dr. Jones for all of his "fair and noble voice students" (his words not mine) around the middle of this past semester. I guess I just found it funny really.
Anywhich, there are 2 major excitements in my life right now!
1 being the completion of my chair, on which I am now sitting!
Now, I can't remember how much if at all I've talked about this chair... But it is very dear to my heart. What started as a simple garbage picking project turned into the fruit of my emotional turmoil. Turmoil is being over dramatic, but I was seriously bumming for a bit there and this chair allowed me to paint my emotions away.
It's not anything particularly impressive. Some of the colors blend where they aren't supposed to or don't when they are. My sharpie was on it's last leg when I was writing on my last leg, and my lines aren't straight, but I love it so much.
I'm proud to have successfully started and finished it, so I'm putting up pictures!






My second major excitement is the highly anticipated arrival of Christmas!
It's not just the season anymore! It's the day/eve!
I have always been a virtual Christmas fanatic. I wait all year, enjoy it thoroughly, and then get sad on the 26th. It's great. I love everything about the season. Even the snow and cold are manageable before Christmas! (after Christmas however, all bets are off)
The world turns magical around Christmas.
Everything sparkles
People are happier
Food tastes better
Music is joyful
There is an undeniable shift in the graces of community in general.
This year something feels different to me though.
Being brought up in church taught me about the nativity and such, but santa and presents and music and movies and friends have always been a big highlite of my Christmas experience.
This year though, the taste of Christmas is just stronger to me. More powerful. Something clicked that has never clicked before. I'm going to sound silly when I write it, like I'm pointing out the obvious thing that every church child would know. But I'm going to say it anyways.
Jesus' birth is real.
Like it really happened.
It's not like santa, this was a legitimate occurence!
God really did send his son to rescue us, he really was born in an uncomfortable situation.
Mary really was a strong faithful woman of God.
Joseph really was a trusting and believing follower. It's real!
And I'm not lying when I tell you that this is the first year that I have realized the poignancy of O Holy Night. The celebratory value of it, and the truth behind the words. It has quickly gone from being a Christmas song to get through to one to be turned up and worshipped to. Yep, worshiped. For it is a true praise song.
This season I'm celebrating what I've been told my entire life, with true sincerity.
Jesus is the reason for the season, and wow am I blessed and affirmed by that.
God has truly blessed me over this year, and you better believe I'm grateful for Him sending His beautiful son to be born and die for me.
I'm sitting in awe just thinking about it really.
If the celebration of this birth isn't a reason to be joyful this season, I don't know what is.
Marvel at this joyous occasion and use it as a vessle to let your thankfulness flow freely! The Son of GOD was sent to wipe us free of sin! Praise to the everlasting ever loving Father!
Merry Christmas!

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of the dear Savior�s birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wise men from Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our friend!

Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His Gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His Name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy Name!

Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!

Rolling in the deep

This has been one of the strangest weeks of this year.
It hasn't been bad or good really.
It's been interesting though.
Full of revelations, time with God, creativity, talking and not talking, not sleeping and driving.
I've turned my bedroom into a cave. There are blankets, pillows and clothes everywhere. Books and cds are strewn accross those. Dirty laundry mixed with clean, etc. It's crazy in here. I kind of love it though. I can just sit in my bed for hours reading and journaling and listening to music. I like that freedom. I've been thinking a lot too. About flaws and baggage and such. Have had some pretty interesting conversations about such things.
I can't say that much elaboration is necessary, but a lot has been changing.
My fingernails are even short. And unpainted. If that doesn't say personal change, I don't know what does.

I've fallen in love with The Avett Brothers. I've been casually listening for the last year, but this week something in their music just clicked with me. And so right now I'm just a big fan. I've found some other great music too. Like Charlene Soraia and the TFDI EP. Jesse Thomas. Emy Reynolds. Even Darren Criss. Who is on glee, but has an EP that is legitimately good. It's so refreshing for me to find music that reminds me why I love what I love. Why I want to do it for the rest of my life.

I'm sort of looking for a job. I'm definitely going to need one as my schedule doesn't allow for CYT@School next semester. Which means no big bucks! The idea of a job is just so unappealing to me though. Call me spoiled, I will tell you that I have worked for the past 4 years and I still don't like it. haha.

I caved and bought jeggings yesterday. When they came out I said never would I ever because they were tacky and unflattering. Now I really don't care if they are either because they are ridiculously comfortable and warmer than leggings. They are ideal winter bottoms for those who dislike pants and I wish I would have indulged before yesterday.

It's really cold outside! Most of the time it's cold inside too because our heat is sketchy and even nonexistent in some areas (i.e. my room). Inconvenient! Atleast I like sweaters.

The chair is my current project. I have been literally throwing full nights at completing it. It's not a masterpiece or anything, but it gives me the outlet to be creative that I need in order to process and think things through. The appearance of this chair is basically the result of my heavy emotion this week. And strangely, it seems like the closer to finishing it that I get the less emotional I get. I'm not sure how that happened.

Altogether, this has been a strange first week of break.

Take heart

Watch your words, for you hear what you say as well as those you speak too.
If actions come from your heart(the well spring of life[prov. 4:23]) and your input determines the condition of your heart, is it not important to watch what you say to others as well as what you subject yourself too? Input directly determines output.
Good words = good fruit for your spirit.

Some incentive to eat healthy over the holidays.

Stumbled upon

"Godly womanhood ... the very phrase sounds strange in our ears.
We never hear it now. We hear about every other type of women: beautiful women, smart women, sophisticated women, career women, talented women, divorced women. But so seldom do we hear of a godly woman - or of a godly man either, for that matter.
We believe women come nearer to fulfilling their God-given function in the home than anywhere else. It is a much nobler thing to be a good wife, than to be Miss America.
It is a greater achievement to establish a Christian home than it is to produce a second-rate novel filled with filth. It is a far, far better thing in the realms of morals to be old-fashioned, than to be ultra-modern. The world has enough women who know how to be smart. It needs women who are willing to be simple. The world has enough women who know how to be brilliant. It needs some who will be brave. The world has enough women who are popular. It needs more who are pure.
We need women, and men, too, who would rather be morally right than socially correct. [emphasis added]"



- Former U.S. Senate Chaplain Peter Marshall, 1940's

A Mirror Is Harder To Hold

My insides are totally at war right now. I guess I don't mean that literally, but I definitely mean it metaphorically. There is literally a BATTLE going on up in there. I wish I could say what was going on exactly, but I really don't know.
I do know that I feel heavy, despite being as happy as a clam to be on Christmas Break(which never felt like it would get here), and very uncomfortable with my surroundings.
I guess I'm struggling with falling into old habits.
And definitely with putting myself in friendship situations that I know are not right for me right now.
And mourning some friendships that I don't know how to fix.
And I've been very concerned with what I "need" lately, which is a huge struggle. Time with loved ones that I need. Time to myself that I need. Things that I need to get done. Thinking that I need to do. I need a job. I need good grades. I need to transfer. I need more sleep. I need better food. You know? There has been a lot of I need, and that's been blocking out a lot of God guidance I think. It's something that I think I try so hard to be wary of that I accidentally fall anyway because I'm trying so hard. When one focuses so hard on one thing, what else could happen. Satan knows how to get in the backdoor and cracks better than any one. This "I need" mentality is making me feel so isolated so quickly. I mean, today was my 3rd day of break and I already feel suffocated. I believe that says something about the way I've been spending my time. I wouldn't say trust has ever been a strong suit of mine, but I feel like maybe it's important that I focus less on what I feel like I "need" and more on trusting that God already knows what I really need. He is a great provider you know. If God really does work everything together for the good of those who love Him, then it is really just irresponsible for me to try and take control. I have faith that if I need time alone to recharge or hang out with myself and do crafty things then I will have that, and so on and so forth.
I've also been struggling with Prayer lately. This is kind of an important struggle for me. And definitely a personal one. I've realized that I sure do a lot of praying for myself, and I feel like maybe I don't pray as much for others as I wish I did.
I carry my relationships very close to my heart, but I think when it comes down to talking with God it's all me and very little others. It's like I get so excited that I don't even think about other people. I don't like that, and have resolved (right now) to work on it. I want to pray for my friends and my family. I want them to be blessed and lead lives that are full and I want to be a prayer warrior for them.
I think my house makes me afraid of responsibility. When I am at school I am super independent girl. I do everything for myself, I take initiative, I get things done. Not at home. There's something about home that makes me want to curl up under my mass of comforters and pillows, close the curtains and hide from the world. I am barely capable of doing anything and that freaks me out. Is it because climbing up my bed at school is too much work to bother trying to hide from the world? Probably not. I don't really have to think for myself here. I can sit, watch TV, eat, talk with my family and safely not get anything done. I basically got away with this all last year, the only difference is that now I care. Now I am used to being self sufficient. Now I want to grow and branch out and do things beyond my little bed nest. The challenge is kicking myself into gear.

So I guess maybe I do have some idea of what's going on inside after all.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, no fun. And I just want to go to OneThing so badly right now. I apparantly have somethings to sort out.
I'm in talks with Baylor this week, figuring that business out.
Doing no school work.
Sleeping more than I probably should be.
I have a lot of choices to make. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Ahhhhhh to be young (I am).