One time, I rolled down a hill

I want to have a play date tomorrow.
With someone who I really love and miss.
And we wont talk about CYT.
haha.
story time.
So I was hanging out with Rachael the other day and we were talking about my friendships. I know... I'm so cool. not. Anywhichway, we were talking about some issues that I've been having lately and she goes "Wow. You are just having a really awful friend year so far." And then I realized two things:
1) I have never had issues like this before.
2) She is so right.
This has, hands down, been the most difficult year of friendship for me ever.
And then I remember that I have I always have two hands.
On one hand, it's super stressful to have so much chaos in my personal life. Not to mention it's so difficult to have it happen in the midst of all the decisions begging to be made right now.
But on my OTHER hand, I realize that this is all happening for a reason. I'm unsure of what it is right now, but God has his plan. I am excited to see what he has instore for me in the future friendship wise. I can feel him preparing me for something.
Still, I can't go without saying that I am kind of losing my friends. Sadly. I don't know if I'm supposed to, but I deffinitely am. I guess that I will have to trust that if they are meant to be in my life, then they will be. And if they aren't, then there's really not much I can do to change that. There are hands larger than mine shaping my future.
Thank goodness for that.

Speaking of futures... WHAT THE HECK SOUL.
And decision making abilities.
And school prospects.
haha.
How difficult it all is.
I just want to make sure that I can adventure as much as possible.
And sing.
And speak spanish.
And love.
And shine.
And eat when I'm hungry, not because I have nothing better to do.
And learn from others.
And stay positive as a grown up.
I would like to make a good and strong decision about college and CYT.
That's right, I just brought CYT into this. Do you know why?
Because it is such a huge part of my life. I can't just throw it out the window. It's where I met so many of my best friends. It's where I grew up. It's where I grew into myself and my voice. I loved, cried, hurt, and got naked with CYT. It is a huge part of me as a person, whether I like it or not. It will make me so upset to be gone from it, I almost don't know if I can bear to be gone for good.
That sounds so dramatic. haha.
I really mean it though.

This helped me today.
So that's pretty sweet.
I think I'll go watch speak since I don't have to work tomorrow.
Which means I have all day to do school.
YEAH.
OH, also, I am getting a very different haircut on wednesday I think.
I'm nervous about it actually. Because I don't know what she's going to do to me.
But I'm also excited to be different than the others.
I don't want to end like that. It seems like I'm trying to be profound or something, which I'm not. I'm just telling it like it is yo.

ba ba ba ba baaah. I'm kyla.
haha.
that's a little better.