Happy happy birthday

Today was Jamie's BIRTHDAY.
Partay was very fun and nice.
I did NOT feel lonely!


I just wanted to remind myself of that, because I know it possibly won't last.
But it can happen.

Insubstancial for the most part

I watched Speak last night like I said I was going to, and I still love it.
In a really weird 'I relate to this movie more than anyone should have to' sort of way.
But that's another story.

I just tonight found Cut Off Your Hands. And I like them so far.

I didn't do much today, I just watched movies, read magazines, and did school things. Incase you were wondering...
I also cleaned my room, including putting away laundry that had been sitting around, which really needed to be done. So that's cool. Hopefully I will be able to start thinking better in there now.
I wrote thinking but I meant to write sleeping. I didn't correct it though because it also applies.

I watched half of Milk today with Bobby, and it was really cool to see how open minded he is. He has so much potential if he can manage to keep his soul. I didn't get to finish watching the movie, but what I saw of it was really slay.

I go back to Grace and Heartland this week, so all that will be officially going on again.
I'm really stressing that I can't practice my dancing for Joseph for some reason.
There's just not really enough room in my house...
This was like update central wasn't it?

GUESS WHAT?
I don't have Jacobs tomorrow.
yeahya.
I think that's really cool.

Sam gave me a cool compliment yesterday. She told me that she liked my observations, like how Sarah could sneeze and play the piano at the same time. I just thought that was really nice of her. We have an interesting relationship. I can't really tell if we are good friends. Or even good for eachother in general.
I guess that is TBA. To be announced.
At a later date.

"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you." -Elbert Hubbard
I think that is very relevant.
And true.

One time, I rolled down a hill

I want to have a play date tomorrow.
With someone who I really love and miss.
And we wont talk about CYT.
haha.
story time.
So I was hanging out with Rachael the other day and we were talking about my friendships. I know... I'm so cool. not. Anywhichway, we were talking about some issues that I've been having lately and she goes "Wow. You are just having a really awful friend year so far." And then I realized two things:
1) I have never had issues like this before.
2) She is so right.
This has, hands down, been the most difficult year of friendship for me ever.
And then I remember that I have I always have two hands.
On one hand, it's super stressful to have so much chaos in my personal life. Not to mention it's so difficult to have it happen in the midst of all the decisions begging to be made right now.
But on my OTHER hand, I realize that this is all happening for a reason. I'm unsure of what it is right now, but God has his plan. I am excited to see what he has instore for me in the future friendship wise. I can feel him preparing me for something.
Still, I can't go without saying that I am kind of losing my friends. Sadly. I don't know if I'm supposed to, but I deffinitely am. I guess that I will have to trust that if they are meant to be in my life, then they will be. And if they aren't, then there's really not much I can do to change that. There are hands larger than mine shaping my future.
Thank goodness for that.

Speaking of futures... WHAT THE HECK SOUL.
And decision making abilities.
And school prospects.
haha.
How difficult it all is.
I just want to make sure that I can adventure as much as possible.
And sing.
And speak spanish.
And love.
And shine.
And eat when I'm hungry, not because I have nothing better to do.
And learn from others.
And stay positive as a grown up.
I would like to make a good and strong decision about college and CYT.
That's right, I just brought CYT into this. Do you know why?
Because it is such a huge part of my life. I can't just throw it out the window. It's where I met so many of my best friends. It's where I grew up. It's where I grew into myself and my voice. I loved, cried, hurt, and got naked with CYT. It is a huge part of me as a person, whether I like it or not. It will make me so upset to be gone from it, I almost don't know if I can bear to be gone for good.
That sounds so dramatic. haha.
I really mean it though.

This helped me today.
So that's pretty sweet.
I think I'll go watch speak since I don't have to work tomorrow.
Which means I have all day to do school.
YEAH.
OH, also, I am getting a very different haircut on wednesday I think.
I'm nervous about it actually. Because I don't know what she's going to do to me.
But I'm also excited to be different than the others.
I don't want to end like that. It seems like I'm trying to be profound or something, which I'm not. I'm just telling it like it is yo.

ba ba ba ba baaah. I'm kyla.
haha.
that's a little better.

What's update?

well... I now have some new music on my mp3 player.
fun.
I am closer friends with some.
nice.
I am not as good of friends with some.
unsure of how I feel about this yet.
I'm enjoying the dancing in Joseph.
thank you Jesus.
Spring Break right now from Grace and HHSW.
YEAH.
I'm still disliking spanish at Jacobs, and am hoping to leave as soon as I can.
Quoting Kaitlyn, I feel like when my body walks through the doors of the school, my mind and soul are left behind. So true.
Hmmm.
I've been able to get back into my arts a little bit lately. So that's awesome.
Exciting.
Time to get intricate and philosophical yo.

As part of a generation with relatively loose morals, we sure don't act with much freedom. We're easy but not loving. We are a community filled with sluts. Maybe things are getting too casual, we've become numb trying to always achieve maximum feeling. How can this be remedied? Well I don't know how to solve the problems of a nation, but I personally will try to be as genuine as possible. I really think that that will help.
I believe that i am meant to leave my handprint on this world.
I don't... really know how yet. But I will do it.
I know I've said things before about the glowing, but I confess that I lost mine for a while. I think it's finally returning, and hopefully bringing a beautiful spring with it.
I want to be shiny now.

Having just been hit with a wave of exhaustion and lack of original thought, I should probably be on my way to bed.
I am a sleepy bug.