Come undone

Itunes still doesn't work... Incase you were wondering. haha.
I've been deprived of downloading illegally and having it sync for my conveniance. Pitty poor me.
I went to rehersal for the hobbit yesterday. It was a totally new experience. I took the train to arlington heights both ways, which was really really cool. I will probably always like trains. Or atleast until I have to ride them so much that I don't appreciate them. I just enjoy them so much, and I feel so grown up riding them. Especially by myself. I didn't actually have much to do at rehersal, but it was still nice to get away from my normal area and friends and go visit.
I probably haven't updated this because... well.. I haven't actually been doing all that much. School. Watching movies and TV. Heritage fest. Oliver auditions. Hanging out with my mom. Doing more school. Seeing fame with matt. School again. Still unpacking. That's pretty much it...
And yes I realize it's not terribly interesting or active.
I kind of wish it was, but it's not, so that's okay too.
I miss some of my friends. I don't miss some of them.
I'm connecting with the outside world via technology. That's actually NOT okay with me.
I need to get on to the college business that I've been slacking on.
No matter what happens as far as attendance, I should probably not leave it until the last minute. That's enough of that stomach churning talk.
I've been listening to so much music lately. It's very healthy. It would be really cool if I could share it more though. It's like keeping secrets.
God has had a huge presence in my life the past 2 weeks.
Things just keep being said, or done, or presented to me, teaching me about Him and proving to me how real he is. It's almost to much for me to handle. I can barely wrap my mind around His greatness and power. But.. it's just so phenomenal. It's like I found something that's been lost for so long in a jacket I was about to throw away. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by strong Christians like I am.
Sometimes I suppose I feel like they're a huge struggle for me to be around, because I itch to rebel, but really... They're my supports and without them I would undoubtedly fall. Sometimes I think about how I wont have stories to tell my kids when I'm older... but I think maybe I still will. They wont be the same kind my dad had, but they'll be something better to aspire to. I hope. When I think of how much life I have in front of me yet to be lived, I can barely breathe. I hope that I get to enjoy it for a good long time. I'm afraid to die young. I don't pretend otherwise.
Katie has been in Mexico for 6 weeks now, and she really seems to be enjoying it. It was hard for her at first I know, but... I really think this will be one of the coolest things she'll ever do. I hope to have an oppertunity like that sometime.
I'm in Project Dance! Killa' Killa'. I love it so far. I'm really glad I decided to do it.

My shortest but most true update: I've been really stuggling lately.

I hope for something new to happen soon. A good thing.

Mitchel Musso's a tool!
haha.

Sicko

This will be really short.

Itunes is killing me. Maybe.
Actually, it's not, but I have a cold so it feels like the end of the world.
Went to the fray with Kaitlyn on Sunday. Which was incredibly cool. It was last minute, but I'm so glad I went. Started school back last Thursday. Yuck. Moved Sept. 1st.
We live in Crystal Lake now, by the beach, and Bob is the land lord! That's an update I guess.
All is well.
It seems like the calm after the storm.

I think I'm to frusterated for this..

Matthew 5:16

I'm just so exhausted.
I'm excited for school and not excited for school all at the same time.
Actually I feel alot of stress around me right now.
I gotta get rid of that and reconnect with God again. Hard core.
I want to enjoy my last bit of summer to the fullest.
Jeez I just love summer.
I love everything that it brings with it, no matter what.

New York Song

I have come to the conclusion that when you're a teenager everything feels like it's the end of the world. I know it's definitely not. It just feels like it is. I bet this how everyone else feels all the time... that would really stink.
Lordy. It feels like 7, not 4. I don't know how I'm going to fill the rest of my day...
Maybe I'll go get a movie or something. I'm just stuck in this funk and I want something to do I guess.

Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year

Another almost-month under my belt.

What a slacker.

Since July 19th I have successfully:

-Completed a full tech week

-First weekend of West Side

-Party hardy

-Judson day camp

-Second weekend of West Side including more partying

-Memphis

-Erica!

-Jenn's sleepover

-Six flags

-Mayday Parade/Metro Station concert w/ kat, lo, and er

-Lo's going away party

-Packed a TON

-Saw 500 days of summer

what an excellent excellent month.

Lordy, I have so much to talk about. I may have to come back and say more later.

I was waiting outside of the hospital the other day for mom and I was thinking about negativity. Sunday night at Lo's I said something about disliking somebody and Jamie goes "do you still like ANYBODY anymore?" and that really stuck with me. I don't know where this new found negativity has been coming from, but I really don't care for it. It's not that I all of a sudden hate everything... I just have grown to dislike certain people. Maybe it's because I feel I know their bad parts now. Or that I judged the prematurely. Maybe I'm bitter about certain friendships. Or that I've become kind of distanced from God. Whatever it is, this has to stop. I didn't really care for being the nice girl, but in the long run is it such a bad thing? What could be bad about being a nice person? I wish that I still loved everyone. I'm going to try and work on it. Giving people second and third chances. It's important that to me not to be judgemental, what right do I have to label or condemn anyone else? I am far less perfect.

Confidence. Belief in one's own abilities. Atleast that's what thefreedictionary.com says confidence is. On my mind lately though, when does confidence become cockiness? Is it possible to be humble AND confident? I talked with Mike a bit about this just now. I'm always curious about his opinion because I like the way he thinks. Anyways he kind of put my feelings into words. Cockiness is pride in oneself and confidence is quiet. And then he gave me this AWESOME quote. "Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." -- C.S. Lewis. Which pretty much answers all of my questions on the subject. We are beautifully and wonderfully made, so how could loving and believing in one's self be bad? I guess it is not. Something to think about..
We're moving for reals! I feel like I've talked this to death without ever feeling better or worse about it. But it's an important update in my life. And since that's kind of what this is about... Yup. Moving. Don't know where. End of the month. Mixed feelings.

I talked to Uncle Bobby and Aunt DeeDee separately for almost an hour each. It was so nice. I just love them.

I'm a SENIOR in highschool. I'm not sure I'm ready for this.

What side?

OoOoOoOoOps... It's almost been a month.
I don't even remember what I wrote last.
...I just read it. I write like Kaitlyn talks. Except I say weird things... haha.
I had my birthday!
I'm 17 now!
yayayay! If you know me at all, you know that I love my birthday. It's not that I love people celebrating me or anything... I just really enjoy birthdays. Except Kat and Rachael both forgot my birthday. Which was kind of dissappointing.
Tomorrow starts tech week for westside!
I think I'm making friends, which I think is really cool.
But I've also been feeling lately like I've lost alot of friends.
I'm incapable of maintaining relationships.
lets see... Well no wonder I haven't updated this... I have nothing to say really.
I've worked more camps.
I haven't gone to ANY concerts.
I love Erica. And I'm supposed to make her shoes.
Diane Birch is incredible.

Things change so fast.

On bestfriends:
"I think it's when you can be totally transparant and your friend wont ignore or turn on you no matter what mood your in- fun or boring."
"That's how I feel about it and how I'd like to be able to act. I think that's the kind of friend Jesus would be."
-Mike Egler

Mike Egler is headed in a beautiful direction I think. He just is. It's that simple. He is intensely himself in a nonrebellious way that makes him shine and those around him feel his heart. He strives to be like Jesus without expecting any recognition. I think that's a very powerful thing.
He's a cool person.

My eyeliner is flaking off... But I don't really mind. I went to Cabaret tonight for GreenRoom, and it was really good. So that's that update. Lately... I've been really against going home. I don't really know why. Actually I do. My house isn't a positive place to be right now. Tonight I drove around for a while listening to music instead of going home just because I wasn't prepared to deal with it yet. It's not that it's so bad... It's just not the same any more.
I'm hoping this will be a really great week for me though!
Tomorrow: Church. Rachael?
Monday: day camp.
Tuesday: day camp. Hang out with Brianna, Katie, and Kaitlyn.
Wednesday: day camp. Rehersal.
Thursday: day camp. Hang out with Lauren Stengel!
Friday: day camp. Classic Crime concert downtown?
I know that will probably change alot... but the way it stands I really have high hopes for it.


I love the song Close Your Eyes by Dave Barnes.