I am not my own.

I just found this nice little band called Dinner and a Suit (myspace.com/dinnerandasuit)courtesy of Alixx's twitter. haha. Really swell covers and such though!
I am knee deep in Les Mis right now, totally lovin it. I have ONE thursday of Grace left! Graduation is in less than 3 weeks. And then the sweet and frightening taste of freedom will be in my mouth at last! As of today... Everything after graduation is pretty much up in the air. I'm not sure where I'll be at school next year. I'm not sure what show/if I'm doing a show this summer. Where I'll be working. PD camp? Who I'll be seeing. When I'll be traveling. If I'll ever get to go camping... haha. So much unknown. Here's the thing about the unknown though, as long as you don't know, you never have to commit. So indecisiveness is a strong suit of mine.
My lanta but I have been a busy bee. Hopping around finishing everything up before summer. I successfully have one night free each week, if that. Between dance, work, voice, and cyt I'm swamped. It smells like summer outside though. I am ITCHING for it. Our neighboors have a fire pit. Yum. That is one nice smell. Between the smokey smell, the beautiful weather, and this neighboorhood we live in (if the sun is out, people are on bikes/rollerblades/skateboards/walks) it's like summer arrived prematurely and just forgot to tell the school system.
I guess so far this has been more of an update on my life then anything insightful. But someday maybe I'll want to know what I was up to as a 17 year old. My memory is already bad. Precautions.
We're doing this cool free writing assignment in Lit. right now. Mrs. B basically just gave us journals and told us our only perimiters are that we have to write in them once a day. We can write anything we want. SO I've mostly been writing in that instead of on here. haha. It's much more handy. Sometimes soon I'll post some of what I've been writing. It's been really nice and helpful.
I went to a show at the clearwater with Jam & Matt last friday. It's been TOO long since I've been to one. I think my last was RK when it was still freezing. I don't remember exactly when... January? Anyways. It was This Providence, Anarbor, The Audition, & The Bigger Lights. I'm not nuts about any of them, but it was prety cheap and totally worth it. It was a fun night! Sometimes when I'm at that sort of show though... I get kind of sad. I look around and see all of the sceney girls with their bows and vans and flourescent eyeshadow. A thousand brightly colored bracelets, overly dyed and styled hair. Clothes too small. And I just get upset. I used to be just like those girls. Searching for validation by "standing out" in the same way as everyone else. I see them and remember how I felt when I listened to the music, hung out at taco bell, and layed in the grass behind the movie theater. I was such a lost person then. So sometimes. It's like being in a dream being at the shows and standing next to the girls, but knowing that now I'm a cpmpletely different, and fulfilled person. So bizarre. I have certainly gone through my share of life seasons. haha.

Lataaaaaa.

Bullfrogs eat birds

After a week of fighting it I finally let my belly button piercing go. I fully intend to get it repierced after it heals... but that was a battle I wasn't going to win. I know that it's... weird that I liked it so much. I just like that it was so for me. It had nothing to do with future plans or anything like that, I just had it because I liked it. I like the way it looked. Besides, if I can't take care of one of my body parts, how will I take care of my life? Sometimes my body has it's own ideas I guess. haha.
I've been doing alot of worship in my car lately. I know that alot of people talk about how much music affects them, but I just can't imagine other people feeling the way I do when I listen to music. It's like I'm on a whole other level of life. And when I'm in the solitude of my car I can sing so freely. I love that. People who pass me probably think I'm nuts, and I am a total driving hazard, I just get so into it. Sometimes I get to my destination and realize I don't remember half of my journey. I just get that wrapped up in the songs.
I think that's how alot of people go through life. They start off with great intentions, figuring out the best route to avoid traffic and save gas. We start off on our journeys but when distractions come like materialism, influence, media, tragedy, etc. we kind of lose track of what we're doing. Then once we finally reach our destination we find that we've missed out on half our journey. You know? Kind of wanting to go back and do it again so that we can remember it. Or we worry that we may have run a red light and not noticed. Not to mention the numerous accidents that we almost caused because we weren't paying attention to other cars. What a huge metaphor!

Speechless

Oh my lanta. Well I'm pretty sure it has been over a month now since I've posted... Not because nothing interesting has been happening, but because so much has been happening that I've been short on time. + the laptop's internet is being weird and not working... So I've been avoiding blogging so that I don't have to do it in the kitchen with everyone around. Easter was yesterday, and we celebrated in true Taylor family fashion with a favorites day. Good food, infront of the tv, watching movies all day long. It was really nice. We watched New Moon (which my dad LOVED?), The Princess & the Frog (So cute, and kind of old school disney.), The Informant (Ridiculous/awesome.), & Precious(which I watched by myself. It was disturbing. I couldn't even cry. I just sat there.) It was a good day! I've been on spring break for over a week now, with a few more days to go. It's been such a great and needed relief! I've been able to spend time with friends who I love and miss, some rare time with my mom, and some time to just sit and think. All of the above highly valued by me. The weather has been so lovely! It got up past 70 degrees last week. Sunshine and open windows lifts my spirits so so much.
I graduate highschool in 39 DAYS! I can't believe how quickly it snuck up on me! At the beginning of this year I was pretty scared to leave, because I still don't know for sure where I'll be or what I'll be doing next year... But now I'm actually really excited for what ever comes next for me. Everything that I've been going through with my college applications lately has just really taught me to let go and go get at the same time. God has a future and a plan for me, and stressing out about what He wants me to do or where He wants me to go isn't going to help me get there any faster, you know? I need to trust myself and God enough to accept that I can go after what I want and get it. If what I want isn't God's will for me, then that's one thing, but sitting back and waiting for my path in life to magically appear isn't going to do much good. I have so much faith that God will reveal His plan for me as I need to see it, that I'm not terribly worried about what I can't see right now. Each day is a gift, and time is so precious that waiting timidly for my way to be revealed is not living as God intended it to be.
I've been learning So much about the character of God in the past two months. I guess I never really thought about God as having much of a character or personality... but He has a huge one. God is funny, and smart, and witty, and silly, and gracious, and forgiving, and everything that we are attracted to in others. God doesn't just sit in a chair and rule over his people, merciful, but disinterested. My God is hands on. He wants to hear about my day, my heart, and my dreams. That's SO cool. I've been making the mistake my entire life of feeling lonely when I'm upset. From person to person, no one has been through all of the same struggles, so being only human sometimes we can't realate to each other when we're hurting. No matter how much we want to. But God has felt everything we're feeling as humans, and is around whenever we need him with grace, and advice, and His perfect love. What more could we ask for? I think sometimes we forget about God, trying to fill our pain with the advice or comfort of worldly beings or things... Not necessary.
I switched my closet out the other day for summer! And I'll be switching out my music soon also! Summer is on it's way, bringing with it countless changes and new friends and experiences. I"m really looking forward to that.
I'm taking a break from facebook, and I'm not getting texts from twitter for a little bit. I think I just need some time free from technology.
I was reading some of my oldest posts the other day! I knew what was up in 2008, man. I'm telling you. I'm going to start doing posts like that again. haha.
Until next time, which will hopefully be soon! haha.